He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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