just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
