i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
