Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
