i just wanna soil my oats bro
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
