oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
