I can tuck mytits in my pants
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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