I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
