i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
