Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so let's talk penis.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
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