Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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