i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
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It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
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Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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