Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
