I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
