Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
