i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
