can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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