a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
