I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
