soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
