Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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