What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
