We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
