I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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