i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
