Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
