I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
PANTIES FOUND
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
