It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
