captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Couch. On fire.
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