the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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