Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
