would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
