while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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