he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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