Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
