That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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