WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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