The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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