dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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