Your dad touched me again.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
