At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
