The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
