the condom got lost in my hair
tell your sister to shave her snatch
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
