hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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