i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize