But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
