Banned from zoo.
Again?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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