What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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