I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
as a side note pls kill me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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