I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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