Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
