Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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