Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's a Shit stain on my heart
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
