He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
