i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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