So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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