Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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