am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
