You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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