She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Two words: blizzard sex
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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