At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i think my cat just said my name.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
