He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
