i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
zippers are such a cool invention
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
