So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize