My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
