I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
