you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
