call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
