i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
