The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
