yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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