we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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