I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
