my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize