I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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