She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
