He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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