And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
