I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
