i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
