Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
