i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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