I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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