quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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