I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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